The Grand Illusion – on being a hypocrite

One of the phrases I use on a regular basis is:” it’s not all about you”.Been thinking about that a lot lately and just this afternoon, I have come to the grand conclusion that I am a hypocrite or as the Apostle Paul would say “I am the foremost of hypocrites”. Yeah I know he said foremost of sinners, but as I see it at least here, there is little difference. I am a hypocrite to the foremost. I am all the time telling people that it is not all about you, I say; it is about loving God and loving others. But secretly I hold on to the fact that I want it to me all about me, I do what it takes to paint a good picture, but really I am fooling nobody especially myself. Yet I continue to try and convince myself and others that it is not about me. The world that we live in can be a pretty bad place, sometimes it just out right sucks.

I think that instead of coming to that grand conclusion that I spoke of earlier, maybe it would be better said that I have been trying to create a grand illusion. Deep inside of me, I want things to be a certain way, I want people to act a certain way, I want people to say certain things, but want a minute here, I thought this wasn’t supposed to be about me, oh yes getting back to my grand illusion, I want people to love each other and get along with each other. So I talk about those things a lot, hoping against hope that just maybe those things will happen all by theirself, just if I continue to talk about it.

Ultimately, I get pretty disappointed in people, always claiming they believe something then sometimes even the next words out of their mouths contradict what they just said, and most certainly their life and their actions will contradict it.

The truth is I am more disappointed in myself for saying and doing the same things. But then I remember that this is not about me anyway and i just go on my way, living my grand illusion.

We at times get mad at God for the problems in the world, we wonder why he just doesn’t fix it. Then the thought crosses my mind, maybe that’s what he put me here for.

Naw, that can’t be it.

I just need to go on living my grand illusion…

To be continued, hopefully…